"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde."

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right"

'It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks of you, its what you think of yourself.'

"naw see what had happen was...."

"You're just jealous cuz the voices talk to me."

"Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood."

"Good friends are like good bras, supportive, hard to find, & close to ur heart"

"Never frown because you never know who is going to fall in love with your smile."

"I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter"- linkin park

People are entitled to be stupid, but you're just abusing that privelage

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the WORLD!"

I ran ^ the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, & put on my prayers. Turned off the bed, & hopped into the light, all becuz u kissed me goodnight

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

They called it "PMS" because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

I tried to sniff coke once.... but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose!

Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

As the best wine makes the sharpest vinegar, the truest lover may turn into the worst enemy

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". --Oscar Wilde

No human race is superior; no religious faith is inferior. All collective judgements are wrong. Only racists make them.
-Elie Wiesel

If you want a rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
- Norman Vincent

It's not where you're from; it's where you go. It's not what you drive; it's what drives you. It's not what's on you; it's what's in you. It's not what you think; it's what you know.

The reason your eyes were put on the front of you head and not the back, is so you can see where you're going and not where you have been.

The most beautiful smile is the one that struggles through the tears.

Laundry should be the only thing separated by color.

Women are like teabags. You don't know how strong they are until you put them in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Lewis Grizzard

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates...

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
Lisa Kirk

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.
Groucho Marx

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
Richard Jeni

I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
Isaac Asimov

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
Satchel Paige

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones

I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
Samuel Johnson

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
Will Rogers

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen

Conscience is the inner voice warning us that someone may be looking.
HL Mencken

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Mark Twain

You have been very naughty! Go to my room!

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

Hey baby...infect me!

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Be unique and different, say yes.

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!